Posts Tagged ‘my life story

07
Jul
11

Slip of the Tongue

I always liked comedy. When I say always, I mean the last 6 years. In my teenage years – which I despise with any bit of my imaginary soul – I was unable to “get” comedy or even laugh. I’m not sure if I knew how to laugh to be honest. I don’t remember me laughing. Smiling? Yes. Twice. I won’t go into that now. I was mostly operating on two (or 2 if you prefer) modes: crying and sulking. I was in sulking mode most of the time – about 90%. It’s like the standby mode on your  computer or ipod. Is there a standby mode on the ipod? Who cares? Anyway, back to my point. I always liked comedy – well, the last 6 years.. What is good comedy though? That is the answer. NOW that little (intentional – yes, intentional) slip of the tongue (not literally as this is a text and the tongue isn’t involved in a text unless you’re typing or writing with it – which is (I think) not very common. On the other hand, if you’re like me, you might move your tongue when you’re writing or thinking sometimes. I promise I’m not as weird as I sound. Not that you can hear me speaking – well most of you can’t anyway.. That is trivial for now.)

Let’s go back to the little slip of the tongue. That is the answer. Well, that slip of the imaginary tongue obviously doesn’t work in text. I’m sure it would work if I was saying that. I’m so sure that I can smile about it. Why you may ask? Well, it’s never going to happen, isn’t it? And that is a very reassuring thought. For me, not for you in  any case. So goodnight.

Advertisements
24
Mar
11

Still water is suitable for vegetarians!

I wasn’t planning to add a new post today but after my amazing discovery I had to! As you can possibly see on the title of this post, still water – yes, still water – is suitable for vegetarians! Isn’t it exciting?! Finally, you know! Drinking an extra glass (of still water) won’t make you feel guilty any more. You won’t be responsible for the death and suffering of little animals. Yes, dear readers, you can start enjoying still water! Now you know! Even if you’re not a vegetarian – if you are, please send me a fat cheque, I just saved your life! – you can consume 5, 6 or even 10 glasses a day. Isn’t it incredible?

If this has been a life changing experience for you, please leave a comment. Doesn’t have to be relevant, to be honest. Any kind of comment would be nice. You can even advertise your useless, overpriced products or look for a mate.

PS: To (still) water!

PS2: Please note that other types of water might not be suitable for vegetarians. Or they may contain nuts.

23
Mar
11

“Facebook Era” Rant

Welcome to the Facebook era! Sounds like some kind of twisted B-movie title – or maybe worse. Is there such a thing as a C-movie, or a Z-movie? If you know the answer, please call 088… Only kidding! Just leave a comment. It’s free – for now anyway!

Back to the so-called Facebook era rant. Have you also joined the parade? Have you found all your old beloved classmates? All the people that hated you and all the people you hated? Your enemies, your traitors and your torturers? Good. Well done. Have you also pretended that you liked them? Do they pretend they like you? Excellent. You know how to play the “game”, my friend (or my enemy – doesn’t really matter nowadays. You can always add me on facebook.)

Then someday it happens. You wake up, turn on your computer, check your Facebook page (naturally), and what do you find? An old group photo from your long forgotten but unforgiven high-school years. What’s more? You are tagged. Yes, the present “you” is tagged in an old high school photo and you look – honestly – terrible. Worse than you do now as a matter of fact. Is it possible one may wonder. Of course it is. That’s not a valid reason to wonder.

Back to the photo. They all look so nice, with their old school trainers, baggy trousers and colourful shirts. And, oh my Gosh! What about the hair! The 90s haircuts! Of course, you didn’t have one. You didn’t need one. You only needed a total makeover. To be totally frank with you, I’m not sure if that’d help either. If the “high school- you” was a country, it’d definitely be Greece – or maybe Ireland.
Right. So you look around a bit. Go back to the photo page. Smile. Start wondering why you smiled. Stuck in a vicious circle of self-questioning. When you snap out of it – well you should! – you decide to hit the “like” button and perhaps smile again. In this facebook era, your reptilian brain wins.

PS: I don’t agree with stuff written in this post. I have no responsibility for my alter ego and I don’t hate my old classmates. However, I can sympathise with people that do.

15
Aug
10

A Little Less Whining…

I may have given the wrong impression. So many posts about me whining about little and not so little things. It’s time to talk about things that I like. Yes, being a teensy bit hypomanic makes the world seem better. Not great or anything; just better.

A few things I liked lately (not that anyone really cares):

1. “Sherlock”. Yes. I’m glad the money I had to pay for the TV licence didn’t go to waste. If you haven’t seen it, please do. It’s brilliant. Baker Street was my old neighbourhood (North Gower Street) and had the film crew (literally!) outside my flat twice this winter. I almost fell on a lamppost thanks to Benedict Cumberbatch. No one saw that, thankfully.

2. Not a great year for music. Hot Chip, The Knife, LCD Soundsystem, JJ, The Drums, The National, and Caribou released excellent albums though..

3. Nevermore: The Imaginary Life and Mysterious Death of Edgar Allan Poe by the Catalyst Theatre. Best performance of 2010 so far. The music was great too.

4. Getting the chance to be at the audience of QI. Jealous? I know you are. If only Stephen Fry had heard our question before the start of the show.. We were asking for Psychology trivia. He heard syphilis instead. What would Freud say? Sorry for that. Freud jokes are not funny.

5. Dirty Projectors at Barbican. Enough said.

06
Aug
10

Me against Hollywood

So many people claiming that Nolan’s “Inception” made their brains work. Of course it did, it’s the age of the idiots, isn’t it? Yes, I know I’m whining a lot lately, but for Sherlock’s sake, the film was stupid, boring and… superficial. There’s a word that sums it up; Hollywood. It’s getting worse minute by minute, by the way. Special effects, more special effects, loud noises, explosions, gunshots, no need for script at all. You may as well fire all the screenwriters and hire more people to do the special effects.
Do you know what was even worse than the film itself? The movie trailers shown before. PIRANHA?!?! People will pay good money to see a film like this? Just because it’s 3D? Do you need more proof? Aren’t you convinced that we live amongst millions or billions of idiots?

Coming back to “Inception”… Seriously, what was original about it? Hmmmm… If you’re 10, you have a good excuse. Visit your local videostore, DVD store, or torrent site and start watching some older films. Some PROPER films with screenplays and all that. If you need movies that make your brain “work 100% (like some tweeps say)” try watching “Mulholland Drive”, or “Solaris”. Now, if you’re older, do the same. It’s like the whole Benjamin Button thing all over again. Good ideas, hideous writing… The next sentence contains spoilers. You can stop reading now, if you’re planning to watch “Inception” – please don’t. What can be more pretentious than the last scene in “Inception”? This is childish (and pretentious). The perfect Hollywood success recipe: make a movie that seems complex, and deep, but keep it simple, so that people will make sense of it. They’ll leave feeling clever(er) – like they’ve solved a riddle or something. Thus, they’ll end up adoring your movie.

Unfortunately, the financial crisis didn’t generate any great ideas. People have become so numb and dumb… TV is so much better than Hollywood. Dr Who, Sherlock, The IT Crowd, The Big Bang Theory (…) and guess what? You can catch them on repeat on iplayers and watch them on your own without all those annoying people chewing pop-corn in your ear!

PS1: ART isn’t about solving riddles.
PS2: Go watch Sherlock.
PS3: forgot what it was…

02
Aug
10

Real Life is Boring

It’s the first thing you discover when you finish high school, graduate from uni and try to find a place in the real world. No parental guidance and no filters this time. You can see the whole picture now.. and well quite frankly real life is boring. Pathetically boring. Nothing exciting happens except if you’re an idiot. Then everything’s OK. You never expected anything spectacular anyway. If all you wanted was a normal boring life, a normal boring job, a normal boring wife/husband and a dog, relax, you have nothing to worry about.

Luckily(?), not everyone is like that – even though they are hard to find, there are some people wanting more from life. They want time travel, mystery, adventure, big entrance scenes, music.. Well, I guess we were the ones that read a lot as children, the ones that dreamt a lot, the ones that still daydream. But the reason why we did that is obvious; life is boring. That’s why you – or shall I say we?- got art. The idiots have reality TV. What’s more boring than that? Who wants to see their pathetic neighbours on the small screen? What’s the point?

Anyway, I’m off to the pub to meet the Doctor and Arthur Dent. He promised to bring some Vogon poetry. Sherlock and Watson will join us later. Coming?

27
Nov
09

Annoying Little Things…

1. My neighbours. All of them. I have no idea what they’re doing running around all night, having sex at the worst possible times or singing stupid latin songs early in the morning. Can’t they just disappear? At least try singing something more interesting (Pet Shop Boys? Morrissey?).

2. Feeling intimidated by important people, who end up being less important than you originally thought. Sometimes it may take you years to realise that.

3. Guilty feelings. Even when there’s no reason to feel guilty. There’s always a reason, though, right? Is there?

4. People who take ages to reply to messages, emails, phone calls. You know who you are! All those emails are written by real PEOPLE and real people have feelings and needs.

5. People with continuous coughing syndrome. Cough once, it’s human. Twice, it’s understood. Then you run out of excuses, mate. Why should I be near your germs? Go to the bathroom or try Halls Cough Drops.

6. Queues. Even the WORD queue is annoying! Enough said.

7. Chocolate products on offer. You can’t resist buying them and after eating them, you regret it.

8. Slow internet connections, not finding wireless networks when you really need them,  slow computers (like the ones you find in libraries) – I’d love to smash one of those someday. In a few words: technology going wrong!

9. Making the Buzzcocks famous song your life motto. Google it, if you can.

10. Spam emails. I don’t want hot dates and I certainly don’t need a penis enlargement!

11. iTunes shufflle/last.fm radio playing a song you hate at the moment you decide to move away from your computer. Now, why does that happen?

12. Coming up with an idea for a great experiment/research/study/book/movie, only to find out that someone has done it months/years/centuries before you. Thanks for nothing, Google.

13. People whining about little things and end up making blogposts about it. Oh… Wait a sec…!




November 2017
M T W T F S S
« Dec    
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  

Twitter Updates

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

  • 3,335 hits