Posts Tagged ‘comedy

07
Jul
11

Slip of the Tongue

I always liked comedy. When I say always, I mean the last 6 years. In my teenage years – which I despise with any bit of my imaginary soul – I was unable to “get” comedy or even laugh. I’m not sure if I knew how to laugh to be honest. I don’t remember me laughing. Smiling? Yes. Twice. I won’t go into that now. I was mostly operating on two (or 2 if you prefer) modes: crying and sulking. I was in sulking mode most of the time – about 90%. It’s like the standby mode on your  computer or ipod. Is there a standby mode on the ipod? Who cares? Anyway, back to my point. I always liked comedy – well, the last 6 years.. What is good comedy though? That is the answer. NOW that little (intentional – yes, intentional) slip of the tongue (not literally as this is a text and the tongue isn’t involved in a text unless you’re typing or writing with it – which is (I think) not very common. On the other hand, if you’re like me, you might move your tongue when you’re writing or thinking sometimes. I promise I’m not as weird as I sound. Not that you can hear me speaking – well most of you can’t anyway.. That is trivial for now.)

Let’s go back to the little slip of the tongue. That is the answer. Well, that slip of the imaginary tongue obviously doesn’t work in text. I’m sure it would work if I was saying that. I’m so sure that I can smile about it. Why you may ask? Well, it’s never going to happen, isn’t it? And that is a very reassuring thought. For me, not for you in  any case. So goodnight.

Advertisements
24
Mar
11

Still water is suitable for vegetarians!

I wasn’t planning to add a new post today but after my amazing discovery I had to! As you can possibly see on the title of this post, still water – yes, still water – is suitable for vegetarians! Isn’t it exciting?! Finally, you know! Drinking an extra glass (of still water) won’t make you feel guilty any more. You won’t be responsible for the death and suffering of little animals. Yes, dear readers, you can start enjoying still water! Now you know! Even if you’re not a vegetarian – if you are, please send me a fat cheque, I just saved your life! – you can consume 5, 6 or even 10 glasses a day. Isn’t it incredible?

If this has been a life changing experience for you, please leave a comment. Doesn’t have to be relevant, to be honest. Any kind of comment would be nice. You can even advertise your useless, overpriced products or look for a mate.

PS: To (still) water!

PS2: Please note that other types of water might not be suitable for vegetarians. Or they may contain nuts.

23
Mar
11

“Facebook Era” Rant

Welcome to the Facebook era! Sounds like some kind of twisted B-movie title – or maybe worse. Is there such a thing as a C-movie, or a Z-movie? If you know the answer, please call 088… Only kidding! Just leave a comment. It’s free – for now anyway!

Back to the so-called Facebook era rant. Have you also joined the parade? Have you found all your old beloved classmates? All the people that hated you and all the people you hated? Your enemies, your traitors and your torturers? Good. Well done. Have you also pretended that you liked them? Do they pretend they like you? Excellent. You know how to play the “game”, my friend (or my enemy – doesn’t really matter nowadays. You can always add me on facebook.)

Then someday it happens. You wake up, turn on your computer, check your Facebook page (naturally), and what do you find? An old group photo from your long forgotten but unforgiven high-school years. What’s more? You are tagged. Yes, the present “you” is tagged in an old high school photo and you look – honestly – terrible. Worse than you do now as a matter of fact. Is it possible one may wonder. Of course it is. That’s not a valid reason to wonder.

Back to the photo. They all look so nice, with their old school trainers, baggy trousers and colourful shirts. And, oh my Gosh! What about the hair! The 90s haircuts! Of course, you didn’t have one. You didn’t need one. You only needed a total makeover. To be totally frank with you, I’m not sure if that’d help either. If the “high school- you” was a country, it’d definitely be Greece – or maybe Ireland.
Right. So you look around a bit. Go back to the photo page. Smile. Start wondering why you smiled. Stuck in a vicious circle of self-questioning. When you snap out of it – well you should! – you decide to hit the “like” button and perhaps smile again. In this facebook era, your reptilian brain wins.

PS: I don’t agree with stuff written in this post. I have no responsibility for my alter ego and I don’t hate my old classmates. However, I can sympathise with people that do.

02
Aug
10

Real Life is Boring

It’s the first thing you discover when you finish high school, graduate from uni and try to find a place in the real world. No parental guidance and no filters this time. You can see the whole picture now.. and well quite frankly real life is boring. Pathetically boring. Nothing exciting happens except if you’re an idiot. Then everything’s OK. You never expected anything spectacular anyway. If all you wanted was a normal boring life, a normal boring job, a normal boring wife/husband and a dog, relax, you have nothing to worry about.

Luckily(?), not everyone is like that – even though they are hard to find, there are some people wanting more from life. They want time travel, mystery, adventure, big entrance scenes, music.. Well, I guess we were the ones that read a lot as children, the ones that dreamt a lot, the ones that still daydream. But the reason why we did that is obvious; life is boring. That’s why you – or shall I say we?- got art. The idiots have reality TV. What’s more boring than that? Who wants to see their pathetic neighbours on the small screen? What’s the point?

Anyway, I’m off to the pub to meet the Doctor and Arthur Dent. He promised to bring some Vogon poetry. Sherlock and Watson will join us later. Coming?

17
Dec
09

A Short Cartoon about Time

You’ll probably know David Firth’s Salad Fingers. If you don’t, leave this page NOW and click here .

Here’s one of my favourite videos by Firth. The guy is a genius. If you like Lynch, surrealism and dark comedy you’ll probably like it too.

27
Nov
09

Annoying Little Things…

1. My neighbours. All of them. I have no idea what they’re doing running around all night, having sex at the worst possible times or singing stupid latin songs early in the morning. Can’t they just disappear? At least try singing something more interesting (Pet Shop Boys? Morrissey?).

2. Feeling intimidated by important people, who end up being less important than you originally thought. Sometimes it may take you years to realise that.

3. Guilty feelings. Even when there’s no reason to feel guilty. There’s always a reason, though, right? Is there?

4. People who take ages to reply to messages, emails, phone calls. You know who you are! All those emails are written by real PEOPLE and real people have feelings and needs.

5. People with continuous coughing syndrome. Cough once, it’s human. Twice, it’s understood. Then you run out of excuses, mate. Why should I be near your germs? Go to the bathroom or try Halls Cough Drops.

6. Queues. Even the WORD queue is annoying! Enough said.

7. Chocolate products on offer. You can’t resist buying them and after eating them, you regret it.

8. Slow internet connections, not finding wireless networks when you really need them,  slow computers (like the ones you find in libraries) – I’d love to smash one of those someday. In a few words: technology going wrong!

9. Making the Buzzcocks famous song your life motto. Google it, if you can.

10. Spam emails. I don’t want hot dates and I certainly don’t need a penis enlargement!

11. iTunes shufflle/last.fm radio playing a song you hate at the moment you decide to move away from your computer. Now, why does that happen?

12. Coming up with an idea for a great experiment/research/study/book/movie, only to find out that someone has done it months/years/centuries before you. Thanks for nothing, Google.

13. People whining about little things and end up making blogposts about it. Oh… Wait a sec…!

28
Aug
09

The World Is Full of… Idiots Part 3

I used to be funny since I was a kid. Used to say hilarious jokes and people always laughed at them. Not at me, at them. Well, not always. The idiots didn’t get them and you know that the world is full of idiots. So, only a few people laughed. At least, I did!

One of them, my most successful one, was about 2 tunas, you know the fish. It’s really hilarious, but sometimes some stupid people would go and ruin it. It went like this:

–          Two tunas are out in the city. A mother and her little tuna.

–          Two tunas in the city? Mate, fish live in the water, don’t they?

–          Yeah, it’s only a JOKE.

–          Yes, but this simply can’t happen.

–          Well, don’t think about it. Let me get on with this, alright?

–          OK

–          Suddenly, a big thing made of aluminium appears with people inside. A bus.

–          A bus isn’t made of aluminium, isn’t it?

–          Who cares? It’s a bloody joke…

–          Yes, but it doesn’t make sense…

–          Shut up and let me finish this. You’ll end up crying from laughing, trust me.

–          OK

–          So, the young tuna sees this and looks at its mum. “What’s this big steel thing, mum?” it goes.
The mother replies…

–          Sorry… You said aluminium before… How can it be steel now?

–          Oh for god’s sake…  It’s only a joke.

–          It can’t be for real though, can it?

–          Shut up, mate. It’s almost over, anyway.

–          OK

–          So, the mother goes: “It’s a tin can for humans!” hahahahaha! You got it? A tin can for humans!!

–          Is that it?

–          YEAH, you idiot!

Hilarious, right? Stupid people can’t get a funny joke. They only laugh at gags…  I’m fed up with them, really. I’m thinking of becoming an astronaut and leaving. Well, off I go.

P.S: picture from http://www.karikaturas.lv




September 2017
M T W T F S S
« Dec    
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Twitter Updates

  • 3,330 hits